Sunday, September 9, 2007

There is grace in waiting

I will be part of the Quality Monitoring team starting today.I am actually excited since I will work with a different department but at the same time, I am quite sad since I have to leave my team.But I have to move on,this change is something I need to accept in order for me to grow as a person.

Looking back, I felt that everything happened so fast. I remember how upset I was because I did not get the schedule that i wanted a month ago.I was disappointed because I know my place in the team.I was one of the top performers.I don't have any late nor absences on the previous month.I felt that what my co-employess used to tell me is probably true,that the best people in this company are never being rewarded or recognized no matter how much effort they give.

I was crying when I was composing my resignation letter.I have been working here for about three years.Most people are complaining about the salary, the management and the lack of opportunity for growth.But I decided to stay.Now just like them I have to leave to find a place where I think I will not only grow but will also be happy and fulfilled.Most of my teammates were actually surprised about my decision.I am the employee who is most unlikely to resign.I always tell them I am happy and there is no reason to leave the company.

I think that is one of the most difficult decisions I made in my life.I passed my resignation letter.I was given a week to think if I should retract it or not.I was being emotional that time and if my heart will be the one to decide about it, it will say I should go.But I listened to my mind.I retract the resignation letter before the effectivity date.

A friend accompanied me to a church in which he said is miraculous.My folks used to tell me that if it was your first time to see the church, you have to make a wish.I told God that if there's a miracle I wanted to see in my life, it will be a change in direction in my career life and my relationships with other people. I don't know if it's just mere coincedence but one of my wishes came true.

A week after , a party was organized by the program to recognize the top performing agents .I was one of the few people who have been recognized.That made my team captain encouraged me to apply for the Quality assurance analyst position.That also made me realized that the effort I gave were actually not left in vain.To make the long story short, I passed the screening and I will be working for the QA department starting today.

I remember my interview with the manager of the department.One of his questions was, what took me so long for apply in the position.For lack of sensible answer I told him what my friend told me about waiting for the perfect time. I said,there is grace in waiting.I could not understand that concept before.

Now it all makes a lot of sense.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

My current state

To you,

I hope everything's doing good on your end.I hardly slept this morning after that talk we had.Well to tell you,its been like that for a week.I tried to pretend I am ok thinking that I can handle this but the truth is what I am going through right now is not easy.I still don't know what to think, I am still clueless how to deal with this.
You said you are confused.That there have been a lot of realizations lately about yourself.That it was only recently that you've learned that your being inconsistent about your feelings will just bring me a lot of heartache.You also told me that you are bombarded with a lot of problems-about your family, your work and then me.I am pretty sure they're giving you a lot of headaches and pressure.And I know its not easy either.
I wanted to tell you that I am somehow disappointed for your insensitivity and for not trusting me when I wanted to share your pain in times that you're really down.I also hate it when you keep everything to your self and not telling me things that I need to know.I remember you said one time that you are willing to share your life with me.I also wanted to do the same to you.I want to be there for you anytime.I want to share not only your joy,dreams and passion but your trouble, your fears and pain.I always wanted to be the one who makes you smile,who pushes you to the top to be the best of what you can be and symphatize with your needs.In my prayers I am asking God to give me a chance to to be at your side and to grow with you.
Please dont assume that I already know how you feel.It was you who said that I don't know you that much.We have an agreement that if there will come a time that any of us does not want to continue whatever we have right now, we'll tell each other right away.I am begging for your honesty.
If it takes letting you go for a while, I'll do that. I will not pretend I'm not hurting, because I am.I have accepted a long time ago that the moment you love someone you have given him the capacity to hurt you, that how much you hurt is equal to how much you have loved, that getting hurt is proportionate to having too many expectations.I am not asking you to change for me.All I am asking is for you to have a little faith and respect in me.No one has the right to tell you to change.You have the solid dominion over your own feelings and nobody, even myself, has the right to trample on it. I respect you're entirety and that includes whatever is in your mind, soul and heart.
I may not be ok right now but no worries, no pressure. I'll be fine and alright in another sunny day.We are still cool and I’m looking forward to seeing you again.I wanted to talk, clear things up once and for all.
Wherever life may lead us from here,I will say good luck to both of us.

Sunday, September 2, 2007


Welcome to the second version of my online journal.This is my new home.This is where I am going to chronicle my life from now.I believe that there is always something beautiful about new beginnings.Ironically,I don't know where I will begin.A lot of work needs to be done here,the layout is boring,my brain not functioning and I can't think of any interesting entry to write as of now.But I promise I am going to write soon.